The right anniversary poem can go a long way in ensuring the second situation never comes to pass. Losing a loved one is always hard, whether you have had to deal with loss before or not, so don't try to be a rock, take the time to grieve.
Identify the type of poetic rhythm you will use for your poem. There are hundreds of poems on the Internet that are dedicated to mothers and Mother's Day. Short and simple love poems work best for me.
A poem should be written subtly and ensure it is not too emotional. There's a kind of poetry called Free Verse, that anyone can use. If the person enjoys the outdoors, maybe a poem with colorful forest or nature like imagery would speak to the audience.
I have always allowed myself to be led wherever my intuition leads me in the moment. Your poems don't have to be miserable or sad.
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